I have been thinking a lot lately about my two daughters. They grow up so fast, they change so quickly.
My oldest is off to college in a few weeks and my goodness has these last few months been an emotional journey for me. I felt everything from fear, sadness, remorse, joy, anxiety. You name and I think I have felt it.
When we were within a few weeks of high school graduation I had the same feeling I did when I dropped her off at kindergarten. I will never forget standing out on the play ground the first day of kindergarten holding her hand and just feeling like I’m not ready to let go of that cute little tiny hand, I kept thinking this is a whole new chapter for her and for me. Everyone had told me up to that point when they start school its like time just flies by. I have to say it is so true, the years do fly by and I think a part of that is because they change so quickly with each new year. Standing out there waiting for the bell to ring so the little ones could go in to start this new adventure, my daughter looked up at me and ever so sweetly said “You can go not Mom, I don’t need you anymore.” Oh my gosh, can I just say I felt me heart break into a thousand pieces. In that moment I needed to be there with her more than she need me to be there, and my gosh was that a turning point for me. One of those feeling you never forget, you know those feelings right? My sweet girl had at that point and everyday of her life after has been so strong willed and independent. She is fearless to the point she scares me because I have always feared her fearlessness will get her hurt. That day I did my best to hold it together, “I let her know, No, I cannot leave yet, I need to make sure you get to your room OK.” You’ll notice I said “I need”. We stood out there together and when the bell rang she got into line as the teacher told her to and I walked along side the line to her kindergarten room. I said “Goodbye Honey. I love you. Have a great first day!” with a big smile on my face. Doing my absolute best to fake it. I walked away down the hall as quickly as I could without bring attention to myself. I made it to the safety of my car and cried like a baby. I literally sobbed. I then got it together enough to drive myself to work. A little unsolicited advice, take the day off the day your first child goes to kindergarten, its gut wrenching.
So not here we are about to embark on another chapter and once again I feel like I am doing my best to hold on to my little girl and to my memories of that little face that has grown over the last 18 years. The joys and heartaches we have felt, the mother daughter moments that only we know so well.
We only have them for a short time, so cherish every moment because someday we have to cut the kite strings and watch them fly away. Hoping we did all we could do, taught them everything they need to go out into this big scary world and do the best they can do. Hoping we did our very best to teach them right from wrong and how to make good choices. But always knowing home is where your mom is, so you can always run here for safety when this scary world gives you more than you can handle. I am always here to talk to and you will always be my little girl.